emmalOvescHocolateS

masyallah

2011-11-12T14:23:00.001+08:00

going back to sch!!!

2011-10-25T10:49:00.001+08:00

Wohooo Am planing to go back to school this end of year. The best part of being a student again is when you know you classmate will be the girl whom i when to school with in 2001. Hana Cobin.OH i am so excited to go back to school. We are so hype about learning again and keen to graduate with a diploma. Cant wait!!!! :)

With you there will be no regrets

2011-10-07T16:20:00.002+08:00

I haven't been posting lately. Life is awesome. Many ups n many Downs. This post is dedicated to my dear bffffffffffst fren,my bf, RV. Many things in life are not to my expectations or are not to my liking. I'm so used to walk away or ignoring things or ppl who i dislike. But how could i ever ignore or walk away from you when you are always by my side even when I'm always pissing you off. I would you are selfish but the truth of the matter is, I AM.

Happy 23Rd RV. Your the most patient girl ever that came in to my life. Syukur to allah you to be by my side. Loving you much..

2011-08-23T07:59:00.000+08:00

I'm not being materialistic but I do expect at least a small gift frm my boyfren to show that he can afford to pamper on ny bday. I guess I ain't that worthy.... To him.

its the red n white day

2011-08-08T23:10:00.000+08:00

-7% GST, foreigners taking up my space, ripped off HDB prices, Crazy COE cost... but Im still proud to be a SINGAPOREAN. HAPPY BIRTHDAY SINGAPORE MAY GOD BLESS COUNTRY ALWAYS...

the sanitary pad

2011-07-26T21:31:00.002+08:00

they need u in their life to prevent them from bleeding... comfort n free but once the bleeding stops you are not needed any more..

Life is temporary. The only time i would be happy and free is when i know my soul is taken away. God i know i am not ready to meet you nor am i brave to be taken away but i would rather not be here. I am grateful for what you have given me but ti would be better if you can give me the strength to go through the life that you have given me.. remind me to stop complaining as ever time i nagg is when i am sad.

oh dear life...

F5

2011-07-18T22:31:00.000+08:00

Do you know where i can actually get this? Adorable much...

childish muslims

2011-07-17T12:47:00.002+08:00

like i said my blog is where i pour out my feelings to strangers even tho i get no replies.. This post is not to trigger or to cause hazard to anyone in anyway. This is just to speak my mind.

Today i receive a msg from my fren's gf. she said: kau marah kat aku ke? I read and deleted the msg. No i am not angry i am just disappointed .. From a small issue, he betray me by posting up on fb. Yes he didnt mention my name but i have said b4 Fullstop. I dont want this matter to be dragged n they drag it to fb. Then his girl started mentioning on AMANAH issues god!! Im not saying that her facts are wrong but common no one is rite....

I spoke to a good fren last nite. I know he is good person for me to turn too. he talked to me and pointed out my flaws and also upset by y the other two had to drag the matter on...

He made me realise one thing; a huge lesson learn.. Never buy things or seal thing from a fren.

Why i didnt really retaliate to these two is because as a muslim (i may not be a good one) i know it was my amanah to pay back the money, i did and i am done. I dont drag the matter on. Yes i was upset but no issue coz only god understands and i redha to him to do what he wants to do. TT is why i was not bothered to ans them back.

My god fren mention sumthing like thing to me: you know emma can be considered as anak yatim, you know what is our amanah frm god toward anak yatim? Wahh. i cried liked shit after tt. I NEVER wanted to be different in tt way.. but seriously he is a very VERY thoughtful guy.... I appreciate that. Gurl you are lucky to hav ayid...

So im done.... leasson learned..
God bless us all. :)

Ps: must go learn feykir and tashawuf already la..

giving up

2011-07-12T01:01:00.000+08:00

its been almost two weeks tt I'm not speaking to my dad. I am not being rude but sometimes silence is the best solution to kill a war. I feel like giving up and i wanna move out. I cant stand coming home to a pig sty. Disregard me as family member but yet as someone who works for the family with no reward;slave. I mean come on, we live together in the same house we should help each other out. but nope.... i am on my own.

My dad. Oh very must disappointed with you. Now the whole family is rushing me to settle down. If i don't give any ans, they gonna arrange marriage for me. What?! What century is this? 1300B.C?

To make things worst i am going through shit with my best friend. As mention in the MSG "I'm done with you" oh ouch! Well i guess i am on my own.. No wait there's one who will still be there for me... Thank you Allah for having faith me.:)

permission

2011-07-10T11:09:00.000+08:00

So what’s the plan now?
Are we or won’t we?
So what’s the deal now?
Should we or shouldn’t we?
You’ve taking over my head again,
I’m folding each memory in,
Asking permission to keep it in your
Empty,
When will you love again,
Wmpty.. is what you are,
Without the nice things you had before
So what was it to you
Were we or weren’t we?
Did it come back for you?
Now there you finally see
It’s already been gone too long
I shoudn’t have pick up the phone
I’m asking permission to pretend
That we’ve moved on
Empty,
Is what you’ll find in here
Empty..is you’ll see,
A lot of things i’ve offered you
What am i to you?
Was i or wasn’t i?
So what you said was true,
Did you or didn’t you?
You’ve taking over my head again,
I’m folding each memory in,
Asking permission to keep it in your hands
Empty,
When will you love again,
Empty.. is what you are,
Without the nice things you had before
Was it love to you?

Life is garden, if we dont pull the weeds from the flowers, they may never bloom!

2011-07-02T01:50:00.001+08:00

"Dear hamtaro… Apparently I cannot sleep yet. Was just thinking of u. I just wanna say tt u can always reLy on me no matter Wat. I may not be the most beautiful girl or hot chick tt u dream of. But I can assure u tt as long as my heart is still beating. I will alway stand by u no matter Wat. I wan to show u how beautiful life can be.. Nitex JABRONI! *kiss u on ur left ear."- i hope he smiles to this... hehe

What is present right now is the product from what we have gone through in our earlier stage of life. Some are shitty unfortunate events and some are sweet candy memories. Life is to short to think negative and sulk. Everyone has flaws and its only the matter of how people around you look at it.

Lately i have been thinking so much that i fucked my own mind. Is what i am going through right now worth the wait? worth the effort worth the smile? How far will it go? I realized that in love there isn't guarantee. I won't ask much from life. I just want honesty.

I may not be able to tell you guys what is life r love right now but i can say its beautiful from where i am standing. Family friends and an awesome troubled jabroni. I cant tell what your eyes is seeing nor can i tell how you feel, cause i am not you. But i can always promise you my hands are wide open to let you hold me and take baby steps forward....

While i am still around, show you that u appreciate me, show me that you appreciate life. :)

greed

2011-06-30T23:18:00.002+08:00

I want to possess so many things in my life. Eg, Chanel calf skin classic, a whole set of Mac/Bobbi Brown make-up set, kate spade wallet, ripcul swim wear, iphone4, a queen size bed and lots n lots n lots of money. Bu first!! need to lose weight n grow longer hair... :(

im a bitch for posting this..

2011-06-26T23:24:00.004+08:00

i just have say some nasty stuff here...

boy... this guy is so freaking desperate to hook up with my girl. ok ppl i party with or hang out arent as sleazy as the girls or guys u hang out with ok! Dude seriously get over it! i dont want to be your fren, neither does my girl. You are so f up that u even force me to drink so u could get me drunk so i could not go home early n so tt u can hang a lil longer with my girl coz she will only leave if i leave..... F U Dick head! Im not tt stupid. _l_

i thought i could drop this anger toward u since last week but now u tryin to add me up fb.. Eeeeeekkkk F off MAN HOE!

ok my guy fren whose ex gf is my bby gurl.. quoted " i basically have everything..." *turn off sia!!! Seriously he is cute, a stable job, believes in islam, has a civic 2 bikes and recently got a freaking DUCATI. yeah u did hav everything but u dont hav one thing ur gf... she left u coz u ar sooo selfish.. worst still this girl is sooo innocent. n im not tryin to defend my fren here but seriously was a good good shit girl. but u abuse her trust... PPL! Ducati, Hayabusa, R6, BMW, Lamborghini are just toys on earth. wen u die, these temporary treasures will not follow u. yes you can own them but dONT U EVER FORGET UR ROOTS.

Nuthing is sexier then a humble guy....

was a random nite..

2011-06-23T02:54:00.002+08:00

for the first time ever i wen cq without informing my baby... lately thee has been there for me;but sometimes my evil mind speaks, is he cheating on me? does he love me? As much as i want to know so bad because i am very insecure, i cant. Some how or rather there will never be answers from him. Times like this make me feel really sad. I dont know why but i feel like i am counting down the days, inside. I know everything in my life will not last forever. One fine day wen summer turns to winter the leaves will start falling. :'(

In my eyes he is perfect but i may not be perfect for him. To think of it i should leave before being left. :'( Never have i been so happy with my life. For that i cherish every moment of it now. So when i look back, cry, not to bad events but to sweet memories. " will you ever leave me?" A question that will never be answered. I want to give up but my heart is still pumping.

As i stood at the back of the club i saw a few couples dancing together. They look so happy. The way he held her and how he look into her eyes. I thought to myself will i ever get be in that girls' shoe. maybe never. oh wells.

This is me. Every guys say that im a good girlfriend but no-one ever want a good girlfriend; me.

Im in love with a guy who doesn't seem to appreciate me as much as he should but i keep going back because i care about him so damn much.... i love you RV

my girlsss...

2011-06-10T15:33:00.000+08:00

they can be so concern like they were my parents. i love them much. since 2003 :)

fun facts

2011-06-04T01:06:00.000+08:00

That was scary, ME!

2011-05-24T07:59:00.002+08:00

I am afraid of my own anger. OMG When was the last time i snapped and hurt or said something factual but yet with an effect of a freaking tight slap on the face, to a person? Not that long and not that soon. But whatever it is; It shouldn't be continued!

We humans have different personalities, different appearance and different preferences.. etc. Then what happens if one dislikes or disagree? *in Mind: take a freaking shove and stuff it up their ass* You tell me?

I have my own ways on how i run things in my life. It may not be the best but trust me its environmentally friendly. If I like someone, I'd care. If I don't like someone of coz I won't care but that doesn't give me any right to tell him/she off coz apparently we breathe the same air. I don't really know how to be sarcastic but i know how to be hush. Me wouldn't wanna go that far.

I won't wanna talk about it so much coz if i do imma spill some beans here. My blog is a platform for me to be a keyboard warrior against myself sometimes.

HAMTARO! Life is tough but you can hold my hand then we can search through the loops and holes together. This may not be the end. There might be worst challenges that awaits and are you going to be that person who is going to take that big leap with me...?

there are things, نانسى عجرم - في حاجات

2011-05-21T20:56:00.001+08:00

http://lyricstranslate.com
There Are Things

There are some things that are felt but are not spoken about
They hurt the heart, but we never let them show
There are things that I need, but can't ever ask of you
And If you gave them to me, just because I asked
It won't be the same

There are some things that are felt but are not spoken about
They hurt the heart, but you never let them show
And it's hard, I can't make up mind between
whether to tell you or not

I can't ask you to change the way you love me
Or be more jealous
Or surprise me once with a gift
Or please me once by doing something unexpected (X2)

I can't ask you to make my world sweeter, to change how things are
No matter how close you are to me
How dear you are
I can't tell you how I want our life to be
Know, on your own, how I want our life to be

At times, it seems that I'm content
That I'm calm, that I've accepted everything and got used to it
That doesn't mean you can believe that I gave up

Sometimes, you might feel that I don't care anymore
But I'm actually trying to hide that I'm tired of this
Don't push me to the point
Where I regret not having said a thing

I can't ask you to make my world sweeter, to change how things are
No matter how close you are to me
How dear you are
I can't tell you how I want our life to be
Know, on your own, how I want our life to be

I can't ask you to change the way you love me
Or be more jealous
Or bring me once a gift
Or please me once by doing something unexpected

I can't ask you to make my world sweeter, to change how things are
No matter how close you are to me
How dear you are
I can't tell you how I want our life to be
Know, on your own, how I want our life to be

INSPIRATION

2011-05-21T09:28:00.001+08:00

good morning! time to work out!!

sexxyyy lil thang...

2011-05-20T21:25:00.000+08:00

i wanna work you out! hmmmmmmmm

the whole world does not need to know how much he loves me..

2011-05-15T23:54:00.005+08:00

Yes we are in a relationship, no we are not madly in love. No one should say we should nor should they judge us. Not me, not him, not frens, not family BUT only the one that has the mighty rite to say... God... For he shall write our fate and destiny but its up to Emma and RV to choose that options given by him.

I am bless with what i have right now... I dont ask for more. I just want what i need...

My bf may not be the most romantic guy, may not buy me things that i want and may not tell everyone that he loves me... but HE gives a freaking shit about me...

My boy friend, My brooo, My friend, My gossip friend, My i wanna pimp up my bike friend, my i watch how i made your mother friend, My likes pizza friend... n ok im too tired to even type everyfreaking thing...

sometimes wen i see him... i could tell that he loves me.. but its better express then to just say.... :)

To many many years with you..... Insyaallah...

2011-05-09T22:41:00.002+08:00

reminder.me

2011-05-05T11:14:00.004+08:00

1. Loose weight
2. keep hair longer like i used to have
3. Stay away from sticks n chemicals
4. Love for god
5. Be patient

loving someone who doesn't love you back

2011-05-04T08:53:00.001+08:00

Time to tell me the truth
To burden your mouth for what you say
No pieces of paper in the way
Cause i cant continue pretending to choose
The opposite sides on which we fall
The loving you laters if at all
No right minds could wrong be this many times

My memory is cruel
Im queen of attention to details
Defending intentions if he fails
Until now, he told me her name
It sounded familiar in a way
I could have sworn i'd heard him say it ten thousand times
If only i had been listening

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always between the lines
Between the lines

I thought i thought i was ready to bleed
That we'd move from the shadows on the wall
And stand in the center of it all
Too late two choices to stay or to leave
Mine was so easy to uncover
He'd already left with the other
So i've learned to listen through silence

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me be
You and me always be

I tell myself all the words he surely meant to say
I'll talk until the conversation doesn't stay on
Wait for me i'm almost ready
When he meant let go

Leave unsaid unspoken
Eyes wide shut unopened
You and me
Always be
You and me
Always between the lines

the wall of emotions

2011-05-02T11:46:00.002+08:00

You're like a rocket in my mind
That's waiting to define everything about me no one knew
And you stick like a poster on my wall
As if you dont wanna move

I got no money in my pocket
Nobody to rock with but you
But you know me I don't seem to roll
Somehow I HOPE we WOULD managed to get through

my Awesomenessss

2011-04-22T07:36:00.003+08:00

women's nature/to live doesn't mean you've alive

2011-04-15T20:06:00.000+08:00

I don't know why i felt that way. Thou i was told that the feelings weren't there anymore. But still-!! When i saw thee, many many many scenarios played in my mind. THEN I GOT ANGRY. WITH MYSELF...

Hahahahah stupid me<-- oh shoot me already!

Nah i am not jealous maybe i was a bit. But then hey ho why should i? Sometimes i feel like god is testing me. Well either that or i was mean to be with someone for me to love NOT someone to love me for... I gave up in placing hopes. I told myself "emma this is just a game. no one takes me seriously so stop being so caring for people n start being AWESOME!! But i fail, i still care. Hmph!
So there goes me thinking= well life is short as far as i am concern, fluffy muffy makes me smile by just thinking that from a hie bye fren to someone who makes smile before i sleep...

Someday my fren you will learn to feel again. You will understand the beauty of having emotion and living a soul... Bitter sweet it is. That's life.

MY EXCEPTION

2011-04-09T00:29:00.004+08:00

I finally found this song. Remembered listening to this in a repeated playlist while we fall a sleep. Who would knew we ended up this way.

FEAR. is what i have in my feelings; mostly. But can love conquers it? I don't know.

Sometimes i wonder which one is stronger then the other. LOVE? Or HATRED? I exceptionally believe that if there's no hate how can there be love. However, if in love, hate might be a part of consequences in the aftermath. I believe in value and quality, pretty much. But then again how can one produce value if there isn't sincerity in it.

So thats' why - his kiss is a question that i would spend my whole life seeking for answers....
the answers might never come, BUT who cares? As long as his kiss is still there..... :D

i am never strong

2011-03-29T21:52:00.003+08:00

hie my name is emma and i am sick child. I may seem healthy n happy but i am not. i try not to show so much because i dun want to portray myself as a weakling but somehow i cant and now that it grew in me. I exploded..

I don't want all the money in the world actually but i do need someone. a person a human with feelings to be paitient with me and hear me out, be there for me especially wen i am in this condition. i needed love.. i needed someone to love me.. .

ONCE i had ttt someone. n i FARKING MISS HER ALOT.......

MAMA I WISH U ARE HERE.... STILL>...

THE SCRIPT

2011-03-25T18:15:00.000+08:00

Going Back to the corner where I first saw you
Gonna camp in my sleeping bag I'm not gonna move
Got some words on cardboard, got your picture in my hand
Saying, "If you see this girl can you tell her where I am?"

Some try to hand me money, they don't understand
I'm not broke I'm just a broken hearted man
I know it makes no sense but what else can I do
How can I move on when I'm still in love with you'cause if one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinkin maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on the corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving

Policeman says, "Son you can't stay here"
I said, "There's someone I'm waiting for if it's a day, a month, a year"
Gotta stand my ground even if it rains or snows
If she changes her mind this is the first place she will go

[Chorus:]
'cause If one day you wake up and find that you're missing me
And your heart starts to wonder where on this earth I could be
Thinking maybe you'll come back here to the place that we'd meet
And you'll see me waiting for you on our corner of the street
So I'm not moving, I'm not moving,
I'm not moving, I'm not moving

People talk about the guy that's waiting on a girl
There are no holes in his shoes but a big hole in his world

Maybe I'll get famous as the man who can't be moved
Maybe you wont mean to but you'll see me on the news
And you'll come running to the corner
'cause you'll know it's just for you
I'm the man who can't be moved

Now That i see you...

2011-03-23T01:07:00.000+08:00

All those days watching from the windows
All those years outside looking in
All that time never even knowing
Just how blind I've been
Now I'm here, blinking in the starlight
Now I'm here, suddenly I see
Standing here, it's all so clear
I'm where I'm meant to be

And at last I see the light
And it's like the fog has lifted
And at last I see the light
And it's like the sky is new
And it's warm and real and bright
And the world has somehow shifted
All at once everything looks different
Now that I see you

Flynn:
All those days chasing down a daydream
All those years living in a blur
All that time never truly seeing
Things, the way they were
Now she's here shining in the starlight
Now she's here, suddenly I know
If she's here it's crystal clear
I'm where I'm meant to go....

The AFTERmath

2011-03-18T18:36:00.000+08:00

PRAY

2011-03-13T17:37:00.001+08:00

Zombie KILLAZ

2011-03-13T10:25:00.002+08:00

TIME

2011-03-11T14:09:00.000+08:00

Someone once told me that;

'Time is a gift, given to you, given to give time you need,
the time you need to have the time of your life'.

I keep reciting this phrase for the past several weeks. It kept me thinking. Be it in camp, while training, or just gazing the night sky through the window, 'Time'. Where things just keep moving forward. It will not stop for you. Everyone knows that. To come and think of it, you can never go back to the spot where you want to. To treasure it, only memories of the past lingers. Be it good or bad, theres nothing much we can change it but to look forward on what comes next.

From RV..

Sadnessss.... Much..

2011-03-06T18:01:00.000+08:00

Not me tho. At least i know not anymore..

Life

This a very disturbing sight.. My poor fren.. who wen tru alot on ther own. whats worst the guy didnt even bother...
God bless.... :(

BDG Club!!

2011-03-05T23:19:00.000+08:00

Love u babies much...

AWwwwwww

2011-02-24T23:50:00.000+08:00

My gohesnesss...
im a daddy's girl... and i wan my future hubby (if i ever wanna consider myself getting one) to love my kids...

self-portraits...

2011-02-23T20:17:00.001+08:00

Since 2001.... BEAUTY

Dedicate to my BFF..
Shot & Edited
-with Love

علاج للمريض

2011-02-22T12:36:00.001+08:00

O Lord of mankind, remove difficulties and diseases, and
Heal it, You are the cure, no remedy other than ur drug-
Drugs that do not leave the again. Eliminate the disease.
O God of human managers. Only ur drug can
You eliminate other diseases, I seek to God the
Glorified, Lord, 'the great throne, may "He" heal you-

I'M BLeSSED TO HAV WONDERFUL GIRLS!!

2011-02-12T11:29:00.003+08:00

I am very excited to meet these crazy asses later for a stay over and a swimming session the next day.. They wanna see my tummy and how much its grown LOL!!!

NADIA"S QOUTE = "good morningggggg babygirls! Imma cook for y'all my famous green fried rice ok! GOOD GIRLS go to HEAVEN, BAD GIRLS..... WELL THEY GO EVERYWHEREE!"

Nadia will be making fried rice... I'm hungry already!! Love u babies.. Muackx..

LASALLE-AN

2011-02-07T16:39:00.002+08:00

Oh i miss being a student. Anissa baby you suppose to get back to me regarding your Off days aite. Qid!! What's happening man? K.Osman! all the best for your national service. I sure miss them.

2007-2009

Julia sheer

2011-02-04T10:56:00.001+08:00

How did we ever come to this
I never thought you'd be
someone I'd have to miss
and there I was caught in your game
needing answers that never came
and we took a chance,
you said you were strong
strong enough
but you were wrong...

and now I'm...

Deafened by your silence
blinded by the tears
if you're looking for forgiveness
you won't find that here
cause you lied your way to heartbreak
and now its all too clear
that you will never be....

-Faith-

2011-02-04T01:06:00.001+08:00

يا الله! لا يوجد شيء سهل إلا ما لديك سهلة. إذا كنت ترغب ، وأنت
يمكن أن تجعل من السهل الصعب.

O Allah! Nothing is easy except what You have made easy. If You wish, You
can make the difficult easy.

Sawadee-NEH

2011-02-01T16:19:00.000+08:00

A trip so random that is to celebrate bitch's Bday and also a opportunity to get contacts and a manufacturer for our mini business.. hehe.. Two girls in BKK!! FUN!!!

going back again to ship in the goodies... :)

i'll be me

2011-01-31T11:17:00.001+08:00

As a result of authenticity, people are willing to let go of who they thought they should be, in order to be who they were, for connection.

To love with our whole hearts, even though there is no guarantee..... -

my heart sank...

2011-01-28T08:55:00.003+08:00

The part where Steven Taylor whispers to her i could stop tearing. yeah i know im a cry baby. Just sharing.. The kind of guy u girls wanna marry!! He's got a gr8 voice. U got my vote Chris Medina.. :) May good Lord bless u!

Dream On.. n so i cant sleep....

2011-01-26T01:23:00.000+08:00

Everytime that I look in the mirror
All these lines on my face gettin clearer
The past is gone
It went by like dust to dawn
Isnt that the way
Everybodys got their dues in life to pay

I know what nobody knows
Where it comes and where it goes
I know its everybodys sin
You got to lose to know how to win

Half my life is in books written pages
Live and learn from fools and from sages
You know its true
All the things come back to you

Sing with me, sing for the years
Sing for the laughter, sing for the tears
Sing with me, if its just for today
Maybe tomorrow the good lord will take you away

WWWWoooooOOOOWWWWWWWWw

2011-01-24T07:03:00.002+08:00

Every girl dream of their prince charming.. ME? I made mine hate me. So Mine kinda like not wan me anymore. It sux, I could only hope for death. Neverthless. HE never fail to make me smile.

one of my life changing guide

2011-01-23T22:08:00.002+08:00

This really made me think. A lot. Thank Ili for sharing. I could some what relate this. I have a problem with myself.
Shall overcome my challenges i will. insyallah.
Dear mommy... the end of ur life is the beginning of my life.. may i be a better person...

he knows....

2011-01-21T16:20:00.001+08:00

i need to remind myself tt i shd not side track...

I dont own these images but they are on my mind...

2011-01-21T12:18:00.004+08:00

You tell me the story ok!

If you love someone, set them free

2011-01-20T09:05:00.002+08:00

My life is about to change. For the better or worst i am not sure coz only God knows how the story will end. So many things ran through my mind lately and i know there's no gun pointing at my head. No one is forcing me to make a decision. But I did the stupidest thing ever AGAIN!

I fell in love. AGAIN! You know what's worst? Is that this time i was scared; so scared that I made decisions with head without listening to what my heart says. From the previous person that i loved so much, he cared n shown concern and moved me to the direction that i thought there will be a rainbow after the rain. But instead otherwise. Well if it weren't for him... I won't be where i am right now. I would still be the naive gullible lil girl who always needs her mom.

Growing up isn't fun at all nor is it easy. In fact i hate it. I wish i was still a child where the world is so beautiful, no complications, care-free, no competitions and no responsibilities... I never wanted to grow up i did eventually.I HAD TO.. IN FACT AM STILL.

I was very hush and i never wanted to believe him at first because like i said i am scared. Eventually i took the risk to do so. But sometimes pictures tells a different story from what you think u see. COMMUNICATION is the issue i have here. I need to communicate. And if you don't have that then that's too bad... I don't have a problem with accepting your world but i have a problem with understanding it that's because you don't talk. Its not that i don't trust u. Its that i just feel safer to know. I remember what my fren told me over the phone. He said in a relationship you need to have communication, trust and commitment. (is that what u said? haha i hope I'm right)

I cant get him to talk to me. He expects me to crack my head like always. You need to understand that im a "BIMBO"? I wanted to know things from his own mouth. I wanted to know if i will be ok. I wanted to be loved feel loved coz at home i feel so lonely. My brother hardly ever have time for me. My dad is always working. I elder bro his wife n my lil girl hardly comes by. I needed a freaking human to tell me and make me feel like its worth living. As much as my girlfrens tries to occupy me but i can't rely on them. These humans too have their own lifes. BGC u guys are much appreciated. <3

I thought moving on would be the best thing for me. Because it looks like a pointless relationship. But i was wrong. Now that u said I've hurt you.. There no chances in this rite. Even till this very day i don't get to hear what i wanted to hear. I may seem like a crazy girl who don't give a damn kinda person but i care for every single one i know in my life.

So here i am telling you if you ever read this. I love you my dearest old man and I'm setting you free.If you are the man of your words you would chase me back. But of coz u prove me right. You wont.

Dear i am going to carry a part of you with me for the rest of my life. I am brave enough to do so but i am not sure if i am strong. But i know i will. Coz if you cant give that much love, i know one who can... He the almighty will guide me through.....

Tell HIM!!

2011-01-02T18:15:00.001+08:00

Let me be patient, let me be kind
Make me unselfish without bein' blind
Though I may suffer, I'll envy it not
And endure what comes, 'cause he's all that I got and tell him

Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
And it'll be alright

Now I may have faith, to make mountains fall
But if I lack love, then I am nothin' at all
I can give away, everything I possess
But I'm without love then I have no happiness
I know I'm imperfect and not without sin
But now that I'm older all childish things end and tell him

Tell him I need him
[| From: http://www.elyrics.net/read/l/lauryn-hill-lyrics/tell-him-lyrics.html |]
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright

Tell him
Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright

I'll never be jealous
And I won't be too proud
'Cause love is not boastful
Ooh and love is not loud

Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
Everything is gonna, is gonna be alright

Now I may have wisdom and knowledge on earth
But if I speak wrong, ooh, then what is it worth?
See what we now know is nothing compared
To the love that was shown when our lives were spared and tell him

Tell him I need him
Tell him I love him
It'll be alright.....

Baby i miss u ass!

HOHOHO....

2010-12-28T23:47:00.004+08:00

WOW i ATE ALOT THIS WHOLE MONTH I SWEAR I WAS AM IS STILL GAINING WEIGht.... :(
Xmas shopping was really fun. Now im broke. lol. ok i wont say broke but more of like tight budget. Anyways Merry Chrismas to all catholics and christians. And Happy Asyurah to all muslims..

Got some gifts for my girlfrens and also a super cool gift for my bums...

here goes the fun....

الحمد لله

2010-12-16T10:45:00.004+08:00

I feel so blessed!

Today is the second day i went to work w/o my late mom's ring! So incomplete! I need to remind myself!

wHAAA last two days i have been irritating him. Hello Pak Cik i am not complaining about your job or how i hate it and etc. Its just that I'm sharing with you my tots! I like what your doing in life coz i think its cool plus it really interesting. In which it makes u unique! Ur my Passport Survey-er!! Just that December i am in a holiday mood n nothing seems to be what i tot it would be. Anyhoe!! i am looking forward for a nice mini holiday with you!! hmmmm Pulau Ubin perhaps. hahahahah Oh Alhamdullilah that your safe. :)

I just wanna take this opportunity to say how much i really love my DAD, LOKMAN HAKIM, M.SHAFEEQ, M.SAUFI, LINDA and the cute lil girl! hehehe Have been work home work home work and home... I need my frens.. My Nakamas where are you guys??

Now picture of the day!!

how freaking cute can that be.. ily

December Decease

2010-12-12T00:20:00.002+08:00

the dying month of 2010. 2010 i hate you big times... lol

But its about to welcome another month of a new year. new faces, new hopes, new dreams and new... new... urm... watever..

Firstly Sorry Awal i couldnt come to celebrate your farewell. But its just Ns. Ill see you around soon rite.... Nakamas dont do farewell ok.. Then CONGRATS to my dearest fren Ayid. May him n my dearest Nysha have blessing from allah Through out in love career and health. :)
Dearest Bitch Nadia. Im so glad we are having more tea n dinner sessions instead of clubbing. Blaaaahh.. i shd take your advice.
HANA HANA HANA.. u and i really need some catching up babe... hmph.
ILI. alhamdullilah that the saga is over...

To my dearest Family. I have been damn very super duper tired.. So i need you guys to understand me n not treat the house like a "bangla headquaters" Do support me in getting new dinning table ya. I love you guys still.

Lastly. BUMS... what a bad start uh. Oh wells im learning and so are you. Im a mess by someone before you and i hope you understand. Its been a while since i last had a relationship. hahaha. Im numb actually. Anyho. I hope you excel in ur project. Get it over and done soon coz i wanna take you out. You've been damn kencing manis to me lately .. so thnx... May 2011 be a year fill like rahmat, berkat and hidayah for us...

"BTW the run song dedicated 2 u"

2010-12-02T23:05:00.001+08:00

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it anywhere
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbye
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower, slower
We don't have time for that
All I want is to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if it's just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you cannot hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

"I think this is about having to split up with someone because one or the other has to move away a fair distance, which would mean it's impossible to continue a relationship.

"To think I might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we said our long goodbyes
I nearly did"

This to me is saying that because they still really love each other, it really hurts having to say goodbye, but in this case they have no choice. For me the chorus is basically saying no matter what happens, there'll always be a place in my heart for you, and I'll always think about you.
"Louder, louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say"... "

SERIOUSLY I AM SO HEARTBROKEN N TIRED OF THIS SHIT>.>>

gimme a chance

2010-11-29T16:52:00.002+08:00

I know its not your fault, but I'm a locked door
Anytime I'm a mess by someone before
And I wish that I, I could find a key
To unlock all the things that you want us to be
Let me open up and start again,
But there's a safe around my heart
I don't know how to let you in,
And that's what keeps us apart

And that's why I need time.
I said I need you,
I need you to understand, you, you, you

Call up the locksmith,
Tell him we need him quick
We've got a million keys,
None of them seem to fit
While you're on the phone,
call up the clocksmith,
Cuz I could use some time,
Even the slightest bit
Let me open up and start again,
And break this safe around my heart
I don't know how to let you in,
And that's what keeps us apart
And that's why I need time

I said I need you
I need you to understand, you, you, you
I'm thinking now's the time,
Maybe its time to go, if I gave you my heart, be gentle,
I'm tired of laying low, lets give the world a show
And when you know, you know,

I said I need you,
I need you to understand

Just accompanying you for the rest of your life

2010-11-14T10:12:00.006+08:00

Pulling up my socks and back on my feet again. Let's dance this time round with no sadness but maybe abit of tears.. LOL. Love every single one of you...

Devali with the staffs..

my nakamas..

Happy Birthday Hana!!

:)
PS: the memories still lingers... IMY

60 Islamic ways to get and keep your wife's love

2010-11-11T10:50:00.001+08:00

1. Make her feel secure; (sakina- tranquillity) QUIT BEING AGGRESSIVE

2. When you go home say 'Assalamualaikum. ' (Greetings) It kicks the shaitaan out of your home!

3. Prophet (sallallahu alaihi wa sallam) described the wife as a fragile vessel and said to take care of this vessel that’s fragile. Remember that there is goodness in this vessel so treat it gently.

4. When you advise her, do so in privacy, in a peaceful environment. NOT IN PUBLIC as it’s a type of slandering.

5. Be generous to your wife- it keeps her LOVED

6. Move and let her have your seat. It will warm her heart.

7. AVIOD ANGER. HOW? Keep your wudu at all times. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said if you are angry, sit down, if you’re sitting, then lie down. Follow the sunnah!

8. Look good and smell great for your wife. IT keeps the LOVE!

9. Don’t be rigid. It will break you. Prophet Mohammed – sallallahu alaihi wa sallam (SAW means “May the blessings and the peace of Allah be upon him” (Muhammad).) said 'I am the best amongst you and I am the best to my wife'. Being rigid and harsh will not bring you close to Allah and neither does it make you more of a man.

10. Listen to your wife-BE a GOOD LISTENER

11. YES to flattering NO to arguing. Arguing is like poison in a marriage. Al zawai said 'When Allah (swt) wants evil for people He will leave them to argue amongst themselves'.

12. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said to call your wives with the best name, any name she loves to hear. Prophet Mohammed sallallahu alaihi wa sallam called Aisha 'ya Aish' as an endearment.

13. Give her a pleasant surprise. I.e. if she loves watermelon, bring her one out of the blue. It will grow the love in her heart.

14. Preserve your tongue! Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said the tongue will throw people in the hell fire so watch what you say and how you say it!

15. All of us have shortcoming. Accept her shortcoming and Allah (swt) will put barakat in your marriage.

16. TELL her you appreciate her. SHOW her you appreciate her.

17. Encourage her to keep good relation with her relative, her mum and dad etc.

18. Speak with her with a topic of HER interest.

19. In front of her relative praise her. Confirm/ realize that she is wonderful, and that she is a good person in front of her family.

20. Give each other gifts. You will love each other more. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said gifts increases love.

21. Get rid of the routine once in a while, surprise her with something, it will get rid of the rust and polish it!

22. Husnul zaan- We have a demand from Allah (swt) that we have to think good of people. Think good of your spouse.

23. Ignore some of her mistakes- pretend you did not see/hear some of her small mistakes. It was a practice of Ali (RA). It’s like putting a hole in your memory. Don’t save it in your memory!

24. Increase the drops of patience, especially when she is pregnant or when she is on her monthly period.

25. Expect and respect her jealousy. Even Aisha (ra) used to get jealous.

26. Be humble. If your profession is good, respect that she is looking after your children, she is much more than you, she is the leader at home, her strength is your strength, and her success is your success.

27. Don't put your friends above your wife.

28. Help your wife at home. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam used to help his wives at home and he was the best of creation. He used to sew his own clothes.

29. Help her respect your parents, you can’t force her to love them, but she can be helped to gradually love them.

30. Show your wife she is the ideal wife.

31. Remember your wife in your duaas. It will increase the love and protect it.

32. Leave the past. It brings nothing but pain and grief. It’s not your business. The past is for Allah (swt).

33. Don't try to show her that you are doing her a favour by doing something, like buying food for the house, because in reality we are the courier of sustenance, not the providers, as Allah is the provider. It’s also a way of being humble and thankful to Allah (swt)

34. Shaitaan is your enemy, not your wife. Sometime when husband and wife are talking a fight breaks out, then shaitaan is present there as a third person so he is the real enemy. It is not enough to hate the shaitaan, but you have to see him as an enemy as Allah has commanded. Shaitaan loves divorce. HE comes everyday and sits office and asks the devils what they have done, some say i have made a person steal, or i have made someone drink etc. And one devil will say i have made a man divorce his wife, and he is crowned as the one who has done the best job.

35. Take the food and put it in her mouth. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam taught us this. It’s a blessing. The food doesn’t just go to her stomach, but straight to her heart. It increases the love and mercy between you.

36. Protect your wife from the evil of the shaitaan and mankind. She is like a precious pearl that needs protecting from the envy of human devils and shaitaan.

37. Show her your smile. Smile at your wife. IT’S A CHARITY.

38. Small problems/ challenges can become a big problem. Or if there is small thing she didn't like and you keep repeating them anyway, it will create a wall between you. Don’t ignore them as it can become big.

39. Avoid being harsh hearted and moody. Allah said of prophet (saw) 'if you were harsh hearted they (the companions) would have left you.' It confirms prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam was not harsh hearted, so GET RID OF IT.

40. Respect her thinking. It’s strength for you. Show you like her thoughts and suggestions.

41. Help her to achieve her potential and help her to dig and find success within as her success is your success.

42. Respect the intimate relationship and its boundaries. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said she is like a fragile vessel and she needs to be treated tenderly. Sometime she may not be feeling well; you must respect and appreciate that feeling.

43. Help her to take care of the children. Some men think it makes them appear less of a man but in fact it makes you appear a bigger man and more respected, especially in the sight of Allah (swt).

44. Use the gifts of the tongue and sweet talk her. Tell her she looks great, be an artist. Pick and choose gifts of the tongue.

45. Sit down and eat with her and share food with her.

46. Let her know you are travelling. Don't tell her out of the blue as it’s against Islam. Tell her the date/ time of when you are coming back also.

47. Don't leave the house as soon as trouble brews.

48. The house has privacy and secrecy. Once you take this privacy and secrecy to your friends and family you are in danger of putting a serious hole in your marriage. This secrecy stays home. Islam is against leaving them out like a garage sale for anyone to come and pick and choose.

49. Encourage each other for ibadah, i.e. plan a trip for hajj or umrah together. It increases and strengthens the love when you help each other perform a good deeds together i.e, do tahajuud together,or go to a dars together etc.

50. Know her rights, not only written in paper but engraved in your heart and engraved in your conscious.

51. Allah( swt) said 'live with your wives in kindness.' Treat them with kindness and goodness. It means in happy times and in sadness treat her with goodness and fairness.

52. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam showed that at the time of intimacy. Don’t jump on your wife like an animal!

53. When you have a dispute with your wife don’t tell everyone. It’s like leaving your wounds open to germs so be careful who you share your problems and disputes with.

54. Show your wife you really care for her health. Good health of your wife is your good health. To care for her health shows her that you love her.

55. Don’t think you are always right. No matter how good you are you have shortcomings. You are not perfect as the only one who was perfect in character was prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam Get rid of this disease.

56. Share your problems, your happiness, and your sadness with her.

57. Have mercy on her weakness. Have mercy when she is weak or strong as she is the fragile vessel. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that your wife is a trust in your hand.

58. Remember you are her strength, someone to lean on in times of hardship.

59. Accept her as she is. Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that women are created from the rib which is bent. If you try to straighten her you will break her (divorce). Prophet sallallahu alaihi wa sallam said that you may dislike one habit in her but you will like another manner in her so accept her as she is.

60. Have good intention for your wife all the time, Allah monitors your intention and your heart at all times. Allah (s.w.t) said Among His Signs is that He created for you wives from among yourselves, that you may find repose in them, and He has put between you affection and mercy. Verily, in that are indeed signs for a people who reflect.

i got this from FB tho. Didnt had time to read it so.... i cut n paste it here. SHaring is caring...

u got me smiling like no one's business

2010-11-03T03:35:00.001+08:00

Hey you.
Do u know that you are just too nice to be true. Do you know that i like staring at your face. Do you know that you irritate the hell out of me. Do you know that you say stupid things and sound stupid, that just made me laugh. Do you know that i cant trust you. Do u know that you came into my life at the wrong time...but you got me smiling.

rite here waiting for u

2010-11-01T21:56:00.001+08:00

Kl.

2010-10-23T13:25:00.000+08:00

I have the gifts that i got for Nysha, Man, Aib and Ayid. But still no time lor to meet them... I miss u guys... :)

sorry but i have to move on n leave u behind....

2010-10-21T00:19:00.002+08:00

No matter what you say about love
I keep coming back for more
Keep my hand in the fire
Sooner or later, I'll get what I'm asking for

No matter what you say about life
I learn every time I bleed
That truth is a stranger
Soul is in danger, I gotta let my spirit be free

To admit that I'm wrong
And then change my mind
Sorry but I have to move on
And leave you behind

NOONENOONE.... No one no one......

its too bad that i still cant open my heart for u... he's like a tattoo.. Ok wtf emma...

Singing this with a happy heart ok? -

2010-10-15T00:30:00.000+08:00

What do you do when you're stuck,
Because the one that you love,
Has pushed you away,
And you can't deal with the pain,
And now you're trying to fix me,
Mend what he did,
I'll find the piece that i'm missing,
But I still miss him,
I miss him, i'm missing him,
Oh I miss him, I miss him i'm missng him

And you're sitting in the front row,
Wana be first in line,
Sitting by my window,
Giving me all your time,
You could be my hero,
If only I could let go,
But his love has still hit me,
Like a broken arrow.
Like a broken arrow.

He's the thorn in my flesh
That I can't take out
He's stealing my breath
When you're around,
And now you're trying to convince me,
He wasn't worth it,
But you can't complete me,
It's the thought that he's missing,

I miss him, I'm missing him,
Oh I miss him I miss him, i'm missing him,

And you're standing in the front row,
Wana be first in line,
Sitting by my window,
Giving me all your time,
You could be my hero,
If only I could let go,
But his love has still hit me,
Live a broken arrow,
Like a broken arrow.

What do you do
When your hearts in two places?
You feel great but you're torn inside.
You feel love but you just can't embrace it,
When you found the right one at the wrong time.

And you're
Standing in the front row,
Wanna be first in line,
Sitting by my window,
Giving me all your time,
You could be my hero,
If only I could let go,
But his love still hit me,
Like a broken arrow.
Like a broken arrow...

I cried and smiled at the same time..MAYBE...

2010-09-27T22:34:00.000+08:00

I don't want to be the one to say goodbye
But I will, I will, I will
I don't want to sit on the pavement while you fly
But I will, I will, oh yes I will

Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back around
Maybe in the future, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back
The only way to really know is to really let it go
Maybe you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back, you're gonna come back to me

I don't want to be the first to let it go
But I know, I know, I know
If you have the last hands that I want to hold
Then I know I've got to let them go

happy thoughts...

2010-09-23T11:18:00.002+08:00

hmmmmmm............. lets just see the picture and ..... smile, laugh , cry or maybe curse...

Yana Yana

2010-09-21T23:49:00.002+08:00

Oh me oh my oh me oh my
I'm dying for my darling
I'm dying for my darling
And I'm dying in my flames and torment for my darling
And my darling is unaware of me
I'm dying because of him

Oh me oh my oh you who is tiring me
Oh me oh my oh you who is leaving me for torment keeping me awake
And staying up diverts me.....
رولا وصباح - يانا يانا

يانا يانا يانا يانا بحبيبي اموت انا اموت انا بحبيبي
واموت انا بلهيبي وعزابي لحبيبي وحبيبي ما داري بي
علشانو اموت انا

يانا يانا يا تعبني يانا يانا يا سايبني للعزاب يسهر علي والسهر يتسلي بي
لو صحيح مش داري بي ليه بتتلفت علي واما بتقبلك عيني يا جميل تصعب علي

واموت انا بلهيبي وعزابي لحبيبي وحبيبي ما داري بي
علشانو اموت انا

لو تشرق او تغرب مهما تبعد رح تقرب رح تجرب ناري بي يا جميل تصعب علي
نار تخلي تلج يعلي رح تسرق منها قلبي وللي حينجيك عيني يا جميل تصعب علي

واموت انا بلهيبي وعزابي لحبيبي وحبيبي ما داري بي
علشانو اموت انا

يانا يانا يانا يانا بحبيبي اموت انا اموت انا بحبيبي
واموت انا بلهيبي وعزابي لحبيبي وحبيبي ما داري بي
علشانو اموت انا

FFFARRRKKKKK

2010-09-16T22:50:00.001+08:00

THATS FARKING IT IM FLIPPING OUT..... IM FARKING PISS AND IM BLARDY SAD. I GONNA FARKING STRANGLE MYSELF TO DEATH.... I CANT EVEN PRAY TO GOD TO SEEK GUIDANCE NOWW......

Raya Oh Yeah

2010-09-12T10:03:00.000+08:00

Bitter sweet life

2010-09-09T07:56:00.002+08:00

wow, It has been a while since i updated my blog. After my Bday week i didn't wanna update because i would say things that i dont mean. I was having emotional break down lol. Nevertheless, THANK YOU ALL MY FRENS FOR PUTTING THE EFFORT TO MAKE MY DAY SPECIAL. I KNOW I AM SUCH I BABY...

OK, tomorrow is Hari raya. Alhamdullilah i am still alive to at least celebrate this year. SO Slamat hari raya maaf zahir dan batin ya..

I'm not sure if i am really sick or not but i actually am. I hope it will never get worst and it will go away. My family needs me. Maybe its just retribution for all the sins i have done before. :((

The thing about love is that it can get soooo beautiful and sometimes it hurts realll bad.. I was not supposed to fall in love but i accidentally did. Now that im in a deep hole, i can’t get out. I tried so many ways to climb out but im still in it. haiz. Sometimes I feel that god is telling something. The thing about me is that I am NEVER patience. I need ans i need things to be done quickly and when i know there is something that i don't know about, i would be eager to know about it like rite NOW. This is bad and i admit. I have to learn to wait and be patient. I really wanna see what i would be like in 4 years time. Cause last year you said in five years time, haha. A year has past real quick. Many things have changed. New people, new attitude, new hobbies.. But i know one thing that won't change. Well for at least for the next few years or maybe wont at all, i guess. It would be how i feel toward the person I have in mind rite now. Thus thou shall preserver with the aid from god.

2011... I am looking forward. MY TP. MY EDUCATION. MYSELF.
For now i miss you mom..

nuthing matters anymore

2010-08-24T14:07:00.000+08:00

A Rose in The Wind I was born at daybreak / to the road I did take
Trembling as the groung shakes / under my feet
Cracked in the stone heat
Never ending motion / way across the ocean
Into your devotion / long have I gone
So far from my home

What to do with this love that Im in?
I have given you all of my soul
Flying all my life like a rose in the wind
Tell me why I am always alone
On my way home

Dreaming always begin / find a door thats opening
Something there is shining / the light in your eyes
When you were all mine

All alone as I wake / moving in a new place
Shivering as I trace / a road of my own
Cut by the deep cold

What to do with this love that Im in?
I have given you all of my soul
Flying all my life like a rose in the wind
Tell me why I am always alone
Hang on to me tight, and a rose in the wind
Will be with you wherever you go
All the way back home

Can I take you back there? / drifting on the warm air
Say youll follow anywhere / all of our nights
Into the jade skies

Ill be true to you / flying over the moon
Lying in the bamboo / Ill always know
The light in the window

What to do with this love that Im in?
I have given you all of my soul
Flying all my life like a rose in the wind
Tell me why I am always alone

Can you tell a story behind this?

2010-08-16T20:36:00.000+08:00

I always have a thing for cameras. Latest gadget that allows one to express their thoughts without having to speak a word. It also projects what our mind plays. But sometime, can you actually tell the true meaning or the story behind just one picture? Just one picture you can make up many stories from it... I have a particular one. My personal fav. I took it but not from my own possession.

Lumpinee Stadium Bangkok, Thailand. Feb 2010
My personal Fav..

Shows a ring match of two thai boys. Doing their ritual opening "dance" But what really matters to me is these questions..."Who was there. When was it taken. What was the situation like. Why?"
The composition of the picture was perfect and so as the lighting. This really means a lot to me. What happen before the picture was taken and what happen after. Pictures are just capturing the moment so that it wont be forgotten.

"It takes a lot of imagination to be a good photographer. You need less imagination to be a painter, because you can invent things. But in photography everything is so ordinary; it takes a lot of looking before you learn to see the ordinary"-David BaileyDavid Bailey (b. 1938), British photographer.

She may seem all happy but there are moments when she shed bitter tears.Despite the hardship she is grateful to god with what ever she is contented with. You can judge her as from what you can see in her now but what you may not know is that what brought her to this point and beyond. Take a little more time to know her and a little more effort. You don't trust her because u think you know her to well but the fact is you judge her from what you think she is. Isolate her for a moment and don't compare cause one is never the same with the rest. Till then you would realise everyone you know in life is a gift from god. We all make a different in each others life...

So now take a picture with me and bring it to the future, make it as a memory so that we can reminiscence about the past..

It gives me gooses BUMPs

2010-08-10T07:56:00.000+08:00

Woke up really early in the morning to go to work. It was my off day, mind you but apparently I have to come back and do PR for the Sun Princess Cruise which arrived in Singapore. Normally, I don't really talk about what i am doing at work, so here is just a jeez of it. Another reason why i had to came back because i had to represent the new uniform that my bosses propose. Yes, me model! haha... It was really tiring but really i cool experience tho. meeting new international people. I really felt like a cabin crew except that it's a cruise...

SO goooofffy right.

THEN here comes the exciting part..

Its the "I'M A FREAKING CINCAPOLIAN" SO LETS THE JOIN THE CROWD moment. Nothing wrong wrong with just coming down to see the fireworks. I mean come on when was the last time i got myself into a crowd on a national celebration. Further more, i was freaking excited for those who were excited for the day. I decided to go with Nysha just us two. Then Ili called and said she wants to go out but had to with her sister because all our other friends are away with their stuff. I was not sure if bring my 2 different side of my friends together tho but hey i gambled. Allamdulilah.. we all had fun. And on top of it all i had so much fun ( by just being part of the imbecilic wannabe cool crowd) with two of my close to heart people. Too bad Nadia and Baby Hana missed it.. So thanks girl love u two... Nysha learned a new word, well not exactly a word just an expression. ITS "BOW CHICKA WOW WOW"... hahahha

happy 45th birthday singapore.. Till then.. toodles....

stress

2010-08-05T10:56:00.000+08:00

i am actually very stress and tired with work... urgh still waiting for approval from mendaki and then.. yeay back to sch..

i miss my dear lil Luthiana. I miss her alot. My elder brother is not talking to me. I tried, and i am still trying. Oh well... a a song for me and you and for all to those who are having hard time.

No matter how bad i can be i will never forget you god! Be in good or bad times...

PS: National day with nysha ili<3 i wish nadia would come.!!

August...

2010-08-01T10:02:00.002+08:00

I always love august coz its my birthday month... A boring Sunday morning which i think i am gonna hit the gym aft a long long time. a dip in a pool.. n just all by myself... yesh.

Still in a process to get back to school but have not confirm yet. Ugh dear good plz help me out. n give me the patience to wait for everything i want or need i life...
Lately i have been crying myself to sleep... For some reasons i feel so useless in life. But All the Syarahan has perk me up..

Oh Last tuesday was a really meaningful one. But a sad one too. She was talking about the presence of a mother. I was sitting beside aunty and i tried my very best to not tear. but eventually i cried. I MISS MY MAMA SO MUCH. i need a hug so badly there and then but i couldnt.. Noone will be there to hug me and make me feel like i am not alone in the world. sigh... I wipe my tears and smile telling myself.. If i have a daughter one day. I would tell her to prepare for my death. Coz wen mama was alive.. mama never taught me that. she was always there for me... I depended on her too much. I dont have her now to tell her what i am going through. I lost my comfort zone... So know i now...

Btw thanks aunty for the kurma... U are an inspiration to me...

Nine and still counting...

2010-07-30T22:41:00.000+08:00

May you guy grow old happly with much rahmat and hidayah Together.. ok.. Insyallah... <3 the both of u...

ह्म्म्म

2010-07-25T16:50:00.001+08:00

Whats Wrong? BlackDress?

2010-07-25T11:50:00.001+08:00

For the pass few days i have not been sleeping in my room. Because a damn ass idiot aunt came over. I hate my Indonesian aunty. sorry. So i actually kinda tired these days. I woke up real early this morning to get myself to town. Why? TO BUY THE BLARDY BLACK DRESS that i wanted since the first time i saw Nadia wearing it. Finally I got it now. Except that mine is with sleeves wooohoooo and i am just so happy and satisfied. Lol

But deep down, i am sad. I really don't know what is wrong. and i am not going to figure out. I don't wanna bother but i am worried.. i don't wanna ask so much becoz i don't wanna be pestering thee. Oh well...

boy am i just soo sad..boohoo..

Despicable me Adorable you

2010-07-18T23:54:00.001+08:00

i am very much in love with this show. It is super duper cute.. my fave character...

haiyo the part where she is so geram with the unicon ... soo cute.. <3 <3

head over feet..

2010-07-11T10:16:00.000+08:00

childish

2010-07-08T22:36:00.001+08:00

u win i lost...

losing doesnt mean i gave up. it just shows your not worth it. thnx...

-emmanesta

Its Sunday already?

2010-07-04T10:43:00.004+08:00

My dear baby Siti is happily in Germany right now. I think Soelts? ok sorry im not so sure. I hope u reach there safely. I know i have planned to follow you there but im dwn with cash + working timing.. booo. hopefully for winter ok. Coz Sebby n Mannu promise me a real snowboarding outting while you can just sit at the fire place and hope that your lips don't turn blue. lol. Plz bring back some gifts for me and say "hie" to Evelyn, Sebby and Mannu for me.. Can't wait to see pictures...

Time sure flies don't you think?And i hereby enjoy Fridays... OH FRIDAYS IM IN LOVE I thank god for showering me with friends like him her and them. :) And i know my Dream Ken will come into my life sooner or later. He may be here in front of me or he may be just another stranger whom i have not met yet. But for now... I'm just sooo in cloud 9. *giggles*

Iker Casilla & Sara Carbonero...

My wednesday morning thoughts.

2010-06-30T08:03:00.002+08:00

Dear blog. Sometimes i ignore you completely, not because i don't have anything to say or write. It is just that i do not have the time to do so. Now that i actually do have lil bit of time, i would pour out my feelings here. (happymode) SPAIN won PORTUGAl, 1-0... woo it was a close match. I actually hate watching soccer matches in public. Its annoying of other viewer's imbecilic comments. Nevertheless i am still waiting for Man to book out so we all can finally watch a Spanish game together.. This coming Saturday... Yeay cant wait.

I was suppose to watch soccer with a guy i kinda just know. But he's action signals the wrong intention. Omg. stop it already. I really hate it wen some people thinks im that kinda easy of a gurl. Geez. hey este i aint quite the same as the many girls u know ok.. so pissed off. So i hear by declare.....

I WILL DATE / GET MARRIED ONLY AFTER I OWN A CHANEL CLASSIC BAG..... <--- i have made up my mind. Lol

Lastly its baby ili's 21st bday... may you have a blessful life bitch. Blessed with good wealth n health orite.. i love u to bits.... (going to surprise her today. lol)

her birthday patron.

toodles. cant wait for the weekend..

Look What I found.

2010-06-21T20:44:00.003+08:00

Look what i found on Bitch Nadia's Blog....

"Emma - lol. You already passed as my best friend. No matter how bitchy you are at times, i still love you. You want me to be the mini u so bad ryte?? lmao. One advise - Try harder. This girl never failed to make my day whenever i’m out with her. The day always ended up really well. Always. She has changed tremendously. In a good way, of course. And i have to say, i’m proud of her. a stronger EMMA who could now live independently unlike before. I like that. She’s my bitch. No boys should ever hurt her. Period. Yet again missy, u know i hv got ur back too and that u hv mine. :) "

I LOVE YOU BITCH> I LOVE YOU TO DEATH... I GoTCha Fat ASS i swear.... (omg im tearing)

This going to be a long one...

2010-06-21T14:28:00.005+08:00

Firstly this is going to be an emotional entry. For me. Ok what am i talking about? i have always been emotional. I kinda promised my fren not to cry. Well at least not so much. Ive done it well i guess. I am back on my feet. I have been fighting so hard to stay strong since mom's death. Its been FARKING HARD I SWEAR... Still missing her tho but gotta deal and live with it. Im proud of my family now. WE are way much closer. lil bro planning on a Bali trip at the end of the year and decided to drag our STEP MOM N STEP BRO too. OMG. Doing this all in the name to make my dad happy. Alhamdullila.

OK Here goes my ANGRY MODE. (sorry if i have been contradicting with how im feeling) THIS IS FOR A FREN< A GIRL WHOM I BLARDY CARE FOR and yet she says or thinks im trying to steal her bf. Ok g i know u had a bad history with me way back in secondary sch. U STOLE THE GUY WHO WAS DATING ME and I HAD TO BACK OFF coz i ain't desperate. Now u think that Karma is going to happen well think again girl. I WILL NEVER STEAL MY FREN'S BF OK! And i care for you coz i know u bitches nowadays just throw urselfs to a guy whom blarely could trust. Gee and its sad coz of this and some other factor you dont wanna hang out with us IF IM ARD. And you ignored us.. AND WORST u were sooo freaking fake. IM sorry that you aint bubbly as i am or good as ur bf tot i would be. I was not born to be a good dauther who cooks or care for the family. I LEARNT AND I TRIED> SO CAN YOU. You just didn't try harder. Dont worry girl i wont care anymore bout you but when shit happens don't say i didnt warn you. AND if shit doesn't happen then god bless you. You know that i wanted you guys to be together coz i tot he was one of the better guys for u.As on one of the closest fren i hav, i am washing hands on u but remember call me if u need me. i aint gonna look for u anymore.

NOW
Batam trip was so freaking awesome and if only we spent more nights that is... Oh well. here are a few pictures.

Thanks Girls for believing in me...

I tot hard and i have made up my mind. I am not gonna search no more. Coz i freaking know what i want. Now its up to you god. For the time being im still concentrating on learning to become a good person.:) all the best to me.

"I care nothing but happiness. Your happiness is mine too. PS: am still in love with you"-

Art teachers goes bbq?

2010-06-13T23:25:00.000+08:00

Awesome media arts meet. Credits to whoever snaps with my camera. Enjoy your June holidays guys! Till we meet again for POST EXAMS CLASSES. HAHAHA!-HIDAYAT SELAMAT..

SUN SAND SEA

2010-06-07T22:17:00.000+08:00

have always been a fan of them... some girls moment.. i wish i was in MIAMI BITCH..

KID next time follow ok...

thank u brother...

2010-06-05T01:51:00.000+08:00

U hhave to WATCH this...
http://en.tackfilm.se/?id=1275727081359RA50

u ar fucking sense-less...

2010-05-30T00:54:00.002+08:00

i could really blardy kill u rite now.... U DUN EVEN KNOW WAT U ARE SAYING,,,
.SEE NOW I AM SO BLARDY GLAD AND BERSYUKUR TO FRENS LIKE NYSHA ILI NADIA HANA AYID AND THE REST. BECOZ THESE PPL HAVE A AIM IN LIFE. THEY KNOW WHAT THEY WAN AND THEY DUN GO ARD THE BUSH. THEY FARKING HAVE MORAL AND THEY SERIOUSLY AM NOT CONFUSE + POINT THEY ARE WITTY. BECOZ OF THEM I LEARN LOTS OF THING. THAT MAKES ME LESS OF A FREAKING BIMBO.

BUT NO U A STRANGER WANNA GO ON N ON N ON ABOUT TRYING TO MAKE ME HAPPY N STUFF. IVE TOLD U ONCE N IVE TOLD AGAIN N AGAIN. IF I DUN LIKE MEANS I DN, I DO WAT I WANNA DO COZ ITS MY LIFE. I DUN UNDERSTAND UR FREAKING EXPLANATIONS. JUST STOP IT. U WANNA TALK ABOUT MARRIAGE IVE TOLD U B4 I FARKING LOVE BOYS; BUT I DUN FANCY RELATIONSHIPS AT THE MOMENT BCOZ IM SCARED WITH GUYS NOWADAYS COZ THEY CANT BE TRUSTED ONLY A SOME. LA.

AND I GOT MY MOMS WILL WHY MUST U FARKING KPO? I AM NOT PROUD TO HAVE IT BCOZ IVE LOST MY BESTFREN MY WINGS DUN BLARDY STUFF UR NOSE ON MY FAMILY ISSUES ONLY ONE GUY IN LIFE NOES ABOUT MY FAMILY MATTERS. N HE IS THE BEST GUY IN MY LIFE. EXCEPT TT HE IS CONFUSE RITE NOOW WITH NS.

STOP NAGGING AND STOP ANNOYING ME................

PS: eya i miss the movie with them now dun tell me they are watching the losers. :( damn i am always being left out.

-Graduation

2010-05-27T13:22:00.000+08:00

Invited for the graduation show but im not graduating.sooooooo sad.. Insyallah my time will come soon. anyways well done guys love all the showcase..
AND OH! i saw my g.fren's picture in the grad ceremony suite. OMG SO CUTE! definitely not gonna post it here he would kill me if i do. So check tumblr ok. soon.

hoping waiting praying.

2010-05-24T05:11:00.000+08:00

i haven't really slept for the pas two days. I stood awake coz i wanted to. But that got me so tired eventually. Yesterday someone let me hear this.

“Death, the inexorable law of humankind,
stole me from your side.
In it I preceded you,
but later it will not be long
before we are together again.” .....
ITS BEAUTIFUL. I still am looking for the complete meaning in english. Its a poem.

i slept on it but wen i woke up it got me thinking about someone. I talked to one of the fren i told him everything and how i felt. he said this..." You love my bro? awwwwww thatt is so sweet....." Now that is crazy.. Of coz what i told him was not about being all emo and stuff its just to ensure myself that i am not confused. Thanx dude. BUt reality sure sux rite. and i promise i wont just give up. Sometimes i feel like im am just like an house pet. but many times. u pat my head i felt loved.I may not know tt person so well. but i know my feelings for him is genuine.

Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control. But i came to realize that the effort was transparent. Waiting...

Evolve for Firman

2010-05-14T10:48:00.004+08:00

Guy it was suppose to be a "date" in May. Remember you asked me when you were in Dubai. and i said no i dun wanna ans till the day comes. coz i knew it wont happen coz im bz. n ur stuck in camp. LOl Anyway here is an update for you my friend. I know you really like this is so much. Imma post this for your entertainment.

13 May 2010.
Mitch Chilson from, Evolve( Thats where my dear fren learn muay thai) Won a fight against Zhang ‘The Lightning’ Jing Xong. Zhang hold the K-1 Championship name if i am not wrong. And according to Yodchatri's twits "the Dragon" won in the 4th round leaving the lighting KO. Geezz his name is lighting i really wish to see how fast he can go. haha ANyways, So next fight will be on the 16th june. you might wanna catch that if your free. and here is some of the pics. sources are all from Yodchatri's twitter.

Mitch getting his hand wrap. Go Mitch Go..

लाइव अ डे अस आईटी इस.

2010-05-13T12:47:00.003+08:00

Live a Day as it is.

Life is going fine right now. I really miss my mom. Home is doing ok, i love my brother more because they have woken up and realize that they needed to help me and give me support as i am the only girl in the house. Despite them trying, they are STILL irritating. Geez i am going to miss them. They and dad are going away for a week to Indonesia. Was suppose to follow them but i have work. DUH.

Missing my friends alot, but every one is busy with their own stuff. EVEN ME> I am so super busy with work right now. We kinda just took over a new department. We are running it.IT was pretty messed up at first but now so far it is going ok. Insyallah somthing good will come out from this. hmmmm BETTER PAY?? ghahaha now everybody wants that do we.

I have not been contacting any guys tho. Its kinda boring but i have a few who were trying to hit on me but why Im not that pretty or attractive. I always turn them down. YOU KNOW WHY. Bcoz GUYS now are just SO HARD TO TRUST. sorry my heart are sealed. Even if you were to say "just friends"

I just SOO excited for friday for a movie.. BUT SOMEBODY JUST HAD TO DO SOMETHING THAT HE GOT CONFINEMENT!!! ARGH... What a good boy u ar... lol

till then get back to work.

Truly Yours,
emmanestaserizawa

HappY BirthDAY

2010-05-08T02:06:00.000+08:00

I dont know why but i feel sooooo sad... I was suppose to plan a birthday meet up for you coz i wanted all of us to celebrate ur 21st birthday. Like how i wanted ayid's to happen. man's to happen. well even attended mizzy's. I ve been very very bz lately. and everyone seems so quiet nowadays. I promise the next time we meet up ill bake u a cake or sumthing.

Dear Awal.

I may not know you that long to even consider you like a bro. but naturally, i felt the bond. and i care. I care for everyone of ypu. I care too much that i get very paranoid. mayb becoz i left like half of me is gone. I did see someone about my emotion disoder. Well. I have just mild depression. I know it will not get bad because as long as i have faith in Islam, nothing can go wrong. But what i actually wanna say is that i am sad that it seems that we are diffting apart. Why? You know tthe ans. JUST thinK harder. But remember. we are still nakama. no matter wat. Just like how Kuma send EVERYONE far away. We gonna come back looking for each other no matter wat. Coz we see each other grow. And only true fren stays.

I wish you all the best my fren. I am really looking forward to see all u guys. I have been rather lonely . Only you people bully me sooooo dammn much till i get pissed. bUT that is kinda funny.hope to see u guys soon. Best wishes frm ur dear hot "megan fox-like" fren. hahahahahahaha'

Ozzy's report. Playing with the Playas

2010-04-29T23:05:00.003+08:00

match report rikhaf vs richard rikhaf played at home in the VIP.3 guys 2single n me attached with 3 single girls.i was at sahara abt to head home n d single guys(playas) summoned me to the VIP where i heard the most misrables of quotes haha and witnessed ppl playas blinking in and out of VIP. i was sitting and having a good time with the MOET. after so much blinking in and out of the VIP with rikhaf killing on spree (emma,shima, kourtney), and richard taking on godsis(nadia)
rikhaf was to walk godsis and shima who appeared to be very fucked up....cos of too much vodka and MOET. here comes the most misrable quotes.
Rikhaf----ozzy pls take care of emma im walking shima to taxi stand i beg u i dont want emma to know.
ozzy---- no way player i would never do that
rikhaf---wotever i ll be back
ozzy---emma wheres rikhaf why u dancing here
emma-- rikhaf said i should wait for him right her
ozzy---haha pls wait for him here haha where is he? (pondering how lame emma was to tell me rikhaf said she should wait there)
richard finally shows up after trading tackles with the crowd and only God knows where he was now rikhaf, shima, and godsis were gone.

richard---ozzy where is rikhaf and emma? emma has my phone.
ozzy--- good unfortunately i dont know where they are i think they must have left. thought y'all were together?
richard---nah mehn....let me use ur phone to call rikhaf...hello rikhaf where r u?
rikhaf....am home(he was telling bloody lies he went off with shima and asked emma to go to his block and wait there)
richard---wot u doing at home?
rikhaf----i gotta get home
richard---where is emma she has my phone?
rikhaf----i ll be meeting her in a bit
richard---wtf!! wot would u guys be doing at home?
ozzy----lol....stop asking him lame questions they r going to have a nice time under the block...how could u have left ur phone.
richard---seriously where r u? wot u doing at home?y is emma at ur place? wot would u guys be doing under ur block or at ur place?

hahaha notorious players rikhaf left with emma's phone so that emma could come find him and emma left with richards phone in a claim she wanted to call richard, who was hunting on the pitch of play.bravo to rikhaf for winning the award of best dribbler having taking shima home to sengkang and told richard he was home while he was still in a cab heading to his place to meet little emma under the block in the quest to pass her phone to her and get the remainder of left over kisses. wot misery!!! gosh!! thats it no more rolling with playas u ll get stranded along the way
emma---i dont mind hanging ard players but i cant stand their lies.
ozzy---hahahaha u just realised?
well i ll update y'all for sure more coming ur way soon....everyone needs to know how these things work and who is who!!!! signing out OZZY for ur entertainment:)

OZZY.. yo dude. imma lovin this version of your story meh.. I'm still pondering on how long you took to complete this one. When i came you were doing it. and when i was about to leave you still have not post it yet. hahah And the best part. you could do this wHILE you were playin soccer game noe.
3 cheers for ozzy..

Bitch NADIA. this is too funny.... We messin with the playas But its kinda stupid that they think that I'M stupid. Baby Boi you may be a PLAYA, BUT YOU CANT FOOL ANOTHER HOT PLAYA LIKE ME UH. LOL. Well at least im an honest playa tho. You sure you wanna handle two gurls at the same go.. hmmm you probably digging your own grave.

Come'on why cant we all be friends... Nevertheless i still miss my dear kental fren. Where are you sucker?????

Accent..

2010-04-27T00:51:00.001+08:00

I'm gonna pick up an accent. AND IT IS NOT PURPOSE. Im serious.. Geez. Somebody called me a MORENA. Uh huh... thank chulo.

Ps: I miss the old times now,

respect the frenship.

2010-04-24T10:38:00.002+08:00

I'm so angry right now i could end up in bars due to killing someone, its that bad. I'm eventually way smarter than that, so of cause i am not gonna do that instead, I'll shall just shut the fark up and pretend that I'm OK.

I just wanna say this. I'm so DISGUSTED with girls being drunk and taking pictures with many random guys. Fark. like what's up with that girl? Trying to prove yourself that your popular, wanted, a socialite? Damn, you probably get some random worthless dude's monkey's up in ur ass.

Fark BUDDYS. NOw what up with that? People can just fark their frens? LOL. Seriously. I am just so angry. That this inhuman (when i say inhuman, i mean human with no moral and pride) acts are happening around me. In fact, I COULD be a victim of it without realising.... Of cause i dont FArk around cause i ain't that dumb.

Some guys hate girls with many guy friends. Some girls hate guys who don't realise what they are doing. And i JUST HATE GUYS WHO AREN't honest to me. Like i don't give a fark if you wanna date other girls. BUT why does that have to effect my friendship with you. HOW i got to know is that i could see you avoiding ways towards me. I could probably tell when someone is interest with me or not. I'm just angry. I'm so angry that i could not even express the next angry sentence here. Well, just because you have another chick to talk to u, now you don't call me that often.

This is just so confusing... imma leave you alone to think. and no matter how angry i am with u, i still care for you. coz for those guys who introduce u to those girls, they probably dont know you that well. Cause from what i know about you, is that you are the kinda of man that does things at your own will. Not because someone else tells you to. Cause if you wanna make more girlfriends would you find your own. Not by some guy trying to hook you up with some random chick.

i just can't trust guys anymore. i'm sorry. i dont trust you. But i believe you in many ways. i still do. I miss all of us.

"Man loves company - even if it is only that of a small burning candle." - Georg C. Lichtenberg

love is in the air

2010-04-16T17:26:00.003+08:00

"There is never a time or place for true love. It happens accidentally, in a heartbeat, in a single flashing, throbbing moment."
may god bless your relationship always...

"There's a "miracle" called Friendship,
That dwells within the heart
And you don't know how it happens
Or when it gets its start
But the happiness it brings you
Always gives a special lift,
And you realize that friendship. . .
Is God's very precious gift!"

I may have given up in love but i'll give up in you. You are one of the best-EST man i've ever met.